The big New York newspaper is at it again. Instead of the usual full frontal praise, Mark Hulbert gave yet another subtle pat on the back to index funds this month.

It’s only the fifth day in June, but already investors are getting nervous about end of quarter earnings reports. There’s still almost a month to go before most public companies close out their books for the second-quarter, ending June 30.

A recent article in the Wall Street Journal reminded me of an old Sunday school lesson from years back. It applies perfectly to the stock market…”the first shall be last.”

Beware; we have now entered the dog days of summer. Historically, stock market volume slows from Memorial Day until Labor Day. The slow summer months are believed to come about because traders go on vacation and the traditional stereotype is that most of Wall Street is playing on the beaches in the Hamptons.

High priests have ways to keep a good gig to themselves … magic rites, forbidden knowledge, and secret terms. It doesn’t matter whether they are psychiatrists, witch doctors or investment analysts. In our field—investments—we’ve been considering the secrets of volatility.

For 25 years, the Fed has kept inflation at an average of 3.2 per cent a year - that should be applauded’! Hahaha! You will go a Long, Long Time (LLT) long time before you hear something so ridiculous! Hahahaha! Applauded! Hahahaha!

CNBC commentator and entertainer Jim Cramer declared an end to the bear market back in March, but I can’t see calling an end to the bear just yet.

Financial commentators around the world keep asking, they want to know if we’ve finally hit rock bottom, after more than $300 billion in losses. In fact, CNBC asks this question so often that it’s starting to sound like bored kids on a long road trip… “Are we there yet?”

In the words of my father-in-law, “The stock market stinks.” Benny was lamenting over the performance of his S&P 500 index mutual fund. He bought the fund back in 1999. And he sold it just a few weeks ago.